News and more news

So, the same day that I got a message from my landlord saying he's figured out how he's going to raise the rent, I got other GREAT news. The landlord's voicemail message was funny . . . he was kind of laughing out of nervousness, which he's never done before. And then he said that he thinks that I'll be happy with the new arrangement.

NOT! When I spoke to him, he said that he's not going to raise my rent. He's going to start charging me fifty dollars for the utilities, and I would also have to pay all my own propane . . . that's kind of a HUGE raise. And considering paying so much for gasoline to Durango . . . it's become pretty obvious that the universe wants me to move back there. Ok, universe! I will go with the flow!

Before I tell you the great news, I'll tell you how it started. I had been thinking . . . if I move back to Durango, I'll have to "trade down" in my living arrangements, because rents are more expensive there. I had even thought about going the roommate route again. Then, it occurred to me one morning, that I shouldn't think that because thinking it will create that exact situation. I'm all about creating your own reality these days. So, I changed my thinking to think that I would be trading UP to live in Durango. That same day Jennifer at the horse ranch mentioned that Alicia, her assistant, was moving and her house would be vacant. She didn't say anything more about it and neither did I. Frankly, I thought it was too much to hope for. Alicia lives within about two walking minutes of the ranch.

But, when I wrote to her on Friday asking if I could come out Monday, she responded with an "opportunity" to live in the house, and help her with horse clinics or other stuff. Sometimes people would be staying at the house . . . people who come to have their horses trained, but live far away . . . people at the [small-1 or 2 person] clinics . . . But, I was thinking of having a roommate anyway, and that would have been full time. This will be only occasionally or sometimes, but not all the time.

And having this come on the same day as my landlord's cockeyed message, was for me, a HUGE message from the universe. It's *screaming* . . . you are on the right path!!!! And, I am . . .

I went to the ranch on Monday for normal horsey stuff, and to talk to Jennifer to "seal the deal." It's sealed! Alicia moves out the end of July, and I am moving back to Durango! Yippee! To a horse ranch! Around horses! Is this awesome or what!?!

A couple weeks ago, I had applied at the Durango Library for a spot at their second annual Literary Festival. They were supposed to let you know by Friday, June 24th if you got accepted. After Friday, I was so excited about the move that I thought . . . the literary fest is just not meant to be . . . and I was okay with that. But, when I got home from "sealing the deal" on Monday, I had an email from the library . . . I got accepted!! I am so excited! They're only having ten or twelve authors, so this is a huge honor. I have to call the local bookstore to order some of my books for this, and when I do that, I'll probably approach them for a book signing . . . and being in the literary festival gives me a lot more credibility, so this is awesome!! My life is overflowing with incredible things right now! I am so lucky, so blessed, so appreciative . . . I love it!

A fragile life . . .

I don't know if all of you read my book/blog about when I did something incredibly stupid and was lucky nothing bad happened . . . Well, perhaps I did it again. Maybe. I'm not so sure. You know I'm looking for a place in Durango, right? So, I called this ad in the paper, and it was a roommate ad. I asked if I could have a dog. I couldn't tell if the voice was a man or a woman, because it sounded kind of like a voice box. Anyway, he/she said they loved dogs, and that would be fine. Somehow in the conversation, I said I lived in Mancos. They said they did , too, and why don't I come over there to meet. (The house in question was in Durango.) What difference does it make if I go to the house to see it, or go where the person lives now to meet them? Either way, I'm in a somewhat vulnerable position. So, off I go. But, I must have had some reservations, because before I left my house, I slipped my knife in my pocket.

I drive over there, and it was a rundown apartment building . . . really the low rent variety. I didn't even know there were places like that in Mancos. I didn't know what to do because I really didn't want to go in. But, I knocked on the door. A short guy (his looks still didn't clarify the man/woman thing much, but he was a man) answered the door. We introduced ourselves and he stepped outside, closed the door behind him, and said there was a lot going on in there. I thought I saw a dog and a person in the background. It was curious. His clothes smelled . . . like they needed to be washed. Not sweaty . . . that other peculiar smell. It added to the atmosphere.

He did have a voicebox. He said he had throat cancer and had a twenty per cent chance to live and he beat the odds. You know how they work . . . he had to press on his throat to talk. It was kind of disconcerting. So, I asked him about the utilities, because he had put $40 utilities a month, and I thought that was too cheap. He said that he keeps the heat at 55 degrees and wears a sweater. Then, he went on talking about other things. He was a massage therapist in Durango for a long time, and he repeated several times that he handled the rich and the high end. Am I supposed to be impressed with that? Anyway, then he tells me that he used to offer Tantric and erotic massages . . . which I think are pretty close to the same thing. He tells me this long story about some woman, yada yada yada, and now he's a registered sex offender. He emphasized that no one has anything to worry about with him. He said, I had to tell you that.

Then we get back to talking about the house. It turned out to be a mobile home, thank goodness. Because when I tried to get out of it by saying I can't live at 55 degrees, he says that he's ready for it to be warmer, so it wouldn't be a problem. So, then I tell him that I (slight exaggeration) need it at 75 degrees or I can't survive. He said that's fine, too. Too frickin' weird. What if I would have said 95? Anyway, then I tell him that I don't want to live in a mobile home. He says you can't tell. I said that I would still know. Finally, he let me go. The whole thing was very weird. His ad is still in the paper.

I wasn't sure if the universe WANTED me to leave Mancos and move back to Durango. But, it has made its intentions known now. My water started coming out brown the other day. It was yucky. I called the landlord's daughter, and she said hers was like that but now it's fine. I figured if hers was fine and mine wasn't even close to fine, then I better take the next step. So, I called the water company. Usually when I do something that "I'm not supposed to do," I get a voice in my head that says, "Don't do that . . . don't do that . . . don't do that." But, this time, no voice. The water company just said let the water keep running. Then, I told her that the water in the main house was fine, and mine wasn't. She said, what? That's illegal on our system. Oh, no. I knew immediately this was bad.

Turns out that the landlord told them he had a renter way back when, but they didn't do anything about it. Now, it's going to cost him something like $7500 to get it rectified. Plus, he said that he hadn't checked the usage on the usage on the propane yet, but it will cost me. Which equates to my rent being raised. The universe hath spoke. Last month I paid over $200 in gasoline . . . because of trips to Durango. That's "fine" with my low rent, but if the rent goes up, then why stay in Mancos? However, my house here is so much nicer than anything I've seen in Durango with my budget. I could pay more, but I don't want to at this time. So, I'm a little more diligent about looking for a new place now . . . not desperate, but I would really like to find a place somewhat soon.

Last weekend, I had a visit from an old friend from Tennessee and his girlfriend. I felt so privileged and so honored that he came to see me . . . because he is dying of lung cancer. Well, he has lung cancer, whether he's dying or not is still to be known. But . . . he is still smoking. You'd think that if someone had lung cancer and they really wanted to live, they would quit smoking. But, in the end, we all have free choice. He chooses to continue smoking. That's his choice. Who am I to judge? Paul is an incredibly nice guy. I've always liked him from when I first met him when he was seventeen or eighteen years old. His girlfriend is awesome. She did all the driving out here, and they drove back and forth across Colorado . . . she did a LOT Of driving. I liked her a lot. She said that her and Paul take care of each other. It was very sweet.

So Paul is killing himself with smoke. The really sad thing is that Paul's folks . . . well, his Mom and his stepfather, are killing themselves with food. They are diabetic, extremely overweight, and they either hide food (bad food) or eat way too much . . . and do it consistently. What can I say? I'll miss you? You can only help someone if they want to be helped . . . if they want to help themselves. And . . . they are reading this blog . . . they are reading this now. But . . . Naomi . . . you've known me for thirty years and you know I don't pull any punches . . . you know that I calls 'em like I sees 'em. Sorry. I hope this spurs you to make a change. Because if not . . . I'll really miss you . . .

Horses, dogs, men, and kids

I have a bunch of notes, but now it's been awhile so I can't remember what the notes meant! I'll do my best.

My friend, Karen, from high school and her dog, Checkers, visited a couple weekends ago. I had the house cleaned up, mostly, but I just couldn't get myself to do the dusting. That's something that's ALWAYS hard for me to get myself to do! So, when Karen arrived, I made all the apologies for a messy house . . . and Karen informed me that when you bring a dog to someone's house, the house DOES NOT HAVE to be clean! She says it's a rule! So, I'm good with that!

I was telling Karen that when I look at men at the plenty of fish online dating site, if it says their longest relationship was under ten years, I immediately discount them. She said that I shouldn't make such hasty decisions before I know their whole story . . . perhaps they've lived most of their life in a science research station in Antarctica or something! I'll have to rethink this . . . it does make sense to me.

So, I got to know Angela a little better, plus more about her. She's actually a pretty good kid. More hasty judgments, I suppose. And when I heard her story, it made me feel bad. She gets more negative reinforcement than positive. So, that's my new job . . . I'm good at that . . . telling people how good they did or whatever. And thanking them whenever they do something nice for me. Another turn of events . . .

I rode Kachina again. I had to struggle with her while I was putting the bareback pad on because she hadn't eaten her breakfast yet and just wanted to eat grass. So, after taking advantage of me on the ground, she tried to take advantage of me once I was on her back. I went on a trail ride with Alicia and Cosmic, the horse she's been training. Kachina kept stopping and whinnying because she wanted to go back and eat. I asked Alicia if I was doing anything to get her to stop. She said, no, but I also wasn't doing anything to stop her from stopping. As I became more aware, I realized that whenever she stopped to whinny, I would stop the forward movement of my body . . . which equates to stopping for a horse, at least Jennifer's horses. Next time she did it, I made sure to keep moving, and it worked! She didn't stop! She tried it a few more times, but then pretty much gave it up. Later in the ride, a big bird, possible a red tail hawk flew out right in front of us, and she spooked a little, but then was fine. It was a GREAT ride, and I learned a lot! It was awesome!

There is one horse at the therapeutic riding place, Bob, who is a handful. He is a young horse, I think two years old, and not broke, and he has a nasty habit of biting people . . . viciously. I'm really careful around him, and when I see him coming, I usually start swinging the lead rope so he won't get close. I was told that biting is the most aggressive thing a horse can do to you. Okay, so with that background, I'll go on. One of the kids who comes to ride, a downs syndrome kid, walked over to the fence where Bob was and wanted to pet him. I stood there waiting to shoo Bob away if he got nasty. But, the kid petted him for several minutes and Bob was a perfect gentleman. Horses KNOW. They really know. It's amazing.

Just a little behind . . .

I'm behind again, and so much has happened . . . kind of. I forgot to tell you about something that I did. The local wellness center/spa had a "sale" on experiencing a "floatation tank" or sensory deprivation tank . . . so, I did it. Apparently you can freak out or something, but when I told her that I'm a meditator, she said I'd be fine. I guess most people aren't used to being that alone with themselves . . . or in touch with themselves. Anyway, it's a big tank filled with body temperature water that is so full of salt that you can't help but float. It's also dark. I put earplugs in, too, but I could occasionally hear people talking in the other room. Mostly it was just me in the dark, though. The salty water, surprisingly, felt almost slimy. Weird feeling. I enjoyed it for the most part, although I was hoping for hallucinations! None of that. I just did my meditation and enjoyed the weightless feeling. Afterward, I took a shower which was in the room adjacent to the float tank. It was an interesting experience.

My friend and teacher, Jennifer, from the horse ranch has had a hard time lately. Last week her father died . . . it was kind of expected . . . but, still . . . it's never easy. And since I lost my Dad when I was eight . . . this is always a touchy thing for me, because I've never really gotten over it. Father's Day STILL bothers me . . . even after fifty-two years. Anyway, back to Jennifer. Then, last Friday she lost a young broodmare to a weird accident. The horse, Annie, was found with a large stick sticking straight out of her shoulder. It had already done a lot of damage systemically, so they had to put her down. This past Monday, one of her dogs, Huck, a very nice dog . . . smooth coated border collie . . . disappeared. They looked all over for him, but since one of his jobs was keeping mountain lions away . . . they think that's what might have happened to him. This one kills me . . . he was a good dog . . . and I haven't known him that long, but I'll really miss him.

Last week, I called Ron on an off day and asked if I could ride Dolly. I had planned to saddle her to give me a little more confidence to trot or maybe canter, but Ron never came out of the house, and I couldn't get the saddle off the saddle tree! So, bareback it was . . . which I never really mind, anyway. After walking around the arena several times, I got up the nerve to trot her. She did try to get away with me, but I pretty much just dealt with it. Working with Jennifer's green horses . . . not riding them . . . just doing ground work . . . has given me so much more confidence . . . even while riding. So, I was fine with Dolly. Since I was still feeling fine, I decided it was time to try cantering bareback which I haven't done in forty years! But, it was time to go for it! I tried encouraging her without giving her a little kick, but that didn't work. So, I gave her a little kick . . . she did canter for a short time, but not before giving me a little buck!! After that, I just tried to walk her around and calm her down so I could get off on a positive note. When I did finally get off, I led her around the arena for a short while just to cool her down. (an old pic of me and Dolly)

Centered living and horses

I was going to save this spot for the video, but, although my hard drive was replaced, I still haven't had a chance to see if the video is still there, so I'm going to just use it, and if I have the video, I'll put it in somewhere else.

After a tough weekend, with a much appreciated but sad visit, and culminating in my hard drive crashing . . . I drove out to the horse ranch Monday morning . . . feeling rather melancholy. I wasn't there too long, and I was walking down the way between horse areas, and I was beaming. It suddenly occurred to me that here . . . here among the horses . . . this is where I find my emotional center. This place, these horses, settle me. I am reading a book called Centered Riding. It's the way you have your body while you're on the horse . . . centered. Anyway, that came to mind and it made me realize that horses create in me . . . kind of a centered living . . . a centered life. What could be better than that?!!

Just wanted to document a couple horsey things that had a lot of meaning for me. The first one, Alicia was going to ride Jeeter . . . a green stallion. Jennifer was going along to keep him company . . . green horses and horses in training often need that. But, since this was Jeeter's first time outside the barn area, someone had to have a lead rope on Jeeter while Alicia rode him. I got elected. It was a huge responsibility . . . and an incredible compliment, as I saw it. That they should trust me with this. In fact during the ride . . . well, I walked . . . on the trail, where Jeeter saw all kinds of new things that he wasn't used to . . . Jennifer said to me, "Well, Jerri, Alicia's life is in your hands." Wow wow wow. I did it. Jeeter was fine. I was fine. We got back fine. Mission accomplished.

The next cool thing that happened was in the same week. Alicia has been training Mud, another green horse . . . he's a gelding, though . . . not as potentially volatile as a stallion. Anyway, I had held him for her before. She had a Western saddle on him (about the only time a horse around here gets a Western saddle . . . they are primarily English), and I had held him while she leaned over the saddle, and I would lead Mud on to take a step or two, so he could get the feel of having weight on his back. Then, Alicia would get off and I would walk Mud around and bring him back, and we would do it again. But, today, the day I'm speaking of, Alicia wanted to actually sit in the saddle, which is a huge step, because once you're up there it's a lot harder to slip off if the horse misbehaves than when you're just leaning on the saddle and you can slip right off. So, it was a little scary, but Mud did great. And Alicia gave me the greatest compliment! There is another woman, about my age, who sometimes comes out to help. She's been coming for a few years, I think. Anyway, Alicia told me that she felt much better with me holding the lead rope than the other woman, because she was always so nervous doing it! And me, I'm not! Is that awesome, or what! My fears, which used to be huge, are almost completely gone! Jennifer was such a great teacher getting me to this point! I owe her a million dollars or something!!

When Alicia first brought Mud out, he broke away from her. I was just about to bring Bo, one of the stallions, into the arena. I didn't know what to do. First I tried to get Mud to stop . . . I stood in front of the gate while he raced toward me at top speed. He didn't look like he was going to stop. I lost my nerve right before he got to me and he raced past me. I still didn't know what to do. Luckily, Jennifer was in the barn and stuck her head out and told me to get Bo back into his stall. We walked into the barn, where Mud had run to, and then Mud was in the way of Bo getting to his stall. Mud was pretty worked up, too. But, luckily, nothing happened and I managed to get past him and put Bo away. Bo was awesome. Not all stallions would have been that "gracious." And, for me . . . another lesson learned. When a horse gets loose, your only responsibility is to the horse that you're with at the time. Let the other person handle the loose horse.

Current note . . .

That last post was awhile ago, and the reason I haven't posted it is because I was waiting (procrastinating!) to load the video and other pics. But . . . now that won't be possible . . . at least for awhile. Yesterday, my computer did a nose dive . . . figuratively speaking, that is. Hard drive crashed on me. I think all I've lost is the last two weeks of stuff, and I can't remember if I downloaded the video and pics before that or after that. So, there ya go.

More posts to come. Sorry for the long delay. Once again an apology and I'll TRY to do better!

Leigh . . . your email address went with the hard drive . . . please drop a quick note, thanks!