Then, a friend gave some guy my number because I know how to publish books on Amazon. So, this guy wanted to meet at the bakery in town. I parked my car . . . right behind a car from Louisiana . . . Phil's from Louisiana (but he drives a truck) . . . and the car had an LSU sticker on it! Phil used to teach at LSU! So . . . that didn't bode well.
The guy . . . an older guy (that's older, as in older than me . . . !) . . . was interesting. He had written a book based on his many years as a ranger with the forest service. It's not edited yet, so he still has a long way to go.
Later, I drove to Durango for my square dancing. It was newbie night . . . a chili dinner where we try to entice new people to join the club. Maybe part of the reason that I had a bad day was that I was not looking forward to telling people that the jerk had broken up with me. I had been so excited when I told them that I had met someone . . . now, not too many weeks later . . . I have to tell . . . the rest of the story. Oh, well.
When I told Jim, who I consider my personal shaman, that Phil dumped me, Jim said, "No! Don't say that! He dumped himself!" I really like that take on it. Jim and his wife, Gayle, are good friends.
The next few days have been okay, but I kind of lost my energy. Then, I decided that I needed to write Phil one last email. When he dumped me, he said something like . . . "considering, I think we should break it off." At the time, I was too floored to ask what he was considering, but I've realized that I'd like to know. It may be a good idea to do and it may not. But, I've written the email and I will mail it at the one month mark . . . which is still about a week and a half away. Maybe in the next week, I'll change my mind about mailing. Maybe not. Right now, I'm kind of looking at it like it will be closure for me. Who knows? When the time comes, I will follow my heart.
Today, Tuesday, I feel like I'm getting my energy back. I'm cleaning house again, cleaning up old things, and getting things done that need getting done. Writing about this bothers me somewhat, but I need to get it out of my system. And . . . I need to stop thinking about it. So, there ya have it. I've been keeping a journal lately, too . . . called "Perspectives on Breaking Up."
Oh, here's something cool. Most of you know my obsession with the poleshift . . . the thing that is supposed to happen to the earth between now and the end of 2012. I'm on an email list from a guy who is a geology expert and an Edgar Cayce expert (the psychic from the early twentieth century.) Anyway, yesterday I got this great email from him titled something about earthquake experience. Earthquakes are prime fodder for poleshift stuff . . . but, this email was more about *experience.*
Here is a selected part of the email: "For the moment, in regard to our attitude to life in general, it is much the best to think that the experiences we have are necessary for us. Otherwise, we will be continually making accounts and complaining that things are not fair. Taking up this point of view about our experiences gives more meaning to ourselves. This is the only way to get something from every experience. We must be awake to the conscious view that the experience belongs to us because our being needs it in order to develop. We see then that the material for our development lies in our experiences."
I find this incredibly interesting and uplifting. This helps me. If there was a reason for this to happen to me . . . it makes it that much easier to accept. The other really interesting thing is that . . . well, I already knew this. Christmas eve night . . . after receiving that break-up email from him . . . I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep. So, I put on kind of a visualization CD that includes words of wisdom . . . like the person is walking down a trail and someone ahead of him says . . . follow your heart. Stuff like that. Well, I did end up falling asleep with it still playing. Then, abruptly, I woke up to this line: There are no accidents. I knew I needed to hear that . . . and I've received other "messages" like that since. There are no accidents . . . I needed to go through this for whatever reason. Knowing that really helps. It wasn't just pain out of nowhere . . . it was pain for a reason! That kind of makes me laugh! Anyway, it makes the whole thing easier to take. Whatever!
I still don't know why. I'm hoping it has something to do with preparing me for the next great love of my life. The relationship with Phil, if you can call it that, has helped me clarify what I DON'T want. So . . . we'll see what happens.
Ok, here is a teaser . . . a foreshadowing. I recently signed up for something . . . a horse thing . . . that I don't think I ever would have signed up for if it hadn't been for Phil . . . or the break-up with Phil. I don't think I would have . . . but, who knows. Anyway, I'll tell you more about it as it gets closer.
***Now it's Thursday, and I had a great day! More on that later . . . I just wanted to end this on an uplifting note!
:)
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