On my way driving to Durango this afternoon, I discovered something. When I get in the car, no matter where I'm going, I always "intend" safety. Today, as I intended safety, I also intended beauty (it's a gorgeous mountain drive to Durango), and happiness. That felt good, and I kept thinking about it and seeing the beauty all around me . . . which made me happy.
Then, I realized something else. I believe that we, as humans, create our own reality. I have believed this for years, but I thought about it differently until recently . . . the last couple years or so. If you drive drunk and get thrown in jail, you have created your own reality. That's how I used to look at it. But, it is so much more than that. Do you want happiness in your life? Then, think happy, grateful thoughts. The universe is like a mirror. If you feel happy, you will bring more happiness into your life. If you think bad, depressing thoughts, then you will bring more bad, depressing things into your life. Choose happiness . . . because it is a choice.
So, what came to my mind on my drive, was once again Phil . . . and why it happened, and why it didn't work. I had a long list of qualities that I was looking for in a man. And Phil, more or less, had most of them, almost all of them, in fact. So, in writing them down and reading them almost every day, I was telling the universe what I wanted in a man. BUT, I didn't tell the universe what I wanted to do with him when I got him!
So, I still have my list, but I have "qualified" it with this statement: Long term reciprocal romantic relationship. I think that covers all my bases. And, since I'm almost finished nursing my wounds, I am going to expect him to arrive in my life fairly soon. I like that idea!
And even after meeting Dee on the street the other day, and talking about the whole lesson thing, I was unsure if I had really learned the lesson. And then I realized that if I believe that I have learned the lesson, then it will be true. I've learned that lesson! From here on out, I'll be like a bull with any hint of red flag-i-ness! My lesson is learned! I DO NOT have to go through this crap again!
So, with those positive, uplifting thoughts, I finished my drive into Durango, did my errands, and got to square dancing in time for lessons. These lessons are for all the new people that we've invited into our club, and there are a ton of new people! For the first dance, I was in a square with two small children, and several other people who didn't have a clue. Usually, kids pick it up pretty quickly, but I think one little girl was just too young . . . because she just wasn't getting it. Then, mid-dance, someone asked me to step out so a new person could take my place. Gladly! It was totally painful being in there! So, I made an effort to sit in the other room for the rest of the lessons! It wasn't really bad of me to do that, though, because there were already too many women. Then, after the lessons, we started the regular square dancing, and I had a great time!
Saturday:
This morning I decided to clear my house using sage . . . I wanted to clear it of all the misery that I've put myself through this past month, and clear it of any last vestiges of Phil's energy. I really need to move on from that whole chapter of my life. Clearing the house with sage was in a way clearing myself. Most people put the sage into an abalone shell, but I don't have one, so I just used a plate. I lit it, (several times, actually, cause it kept going out), put it on the plate, and walked around the house swishing the smoke through the air, cleaning, clearing, clearing, cleaning out all the bad vibes in the house. I walked through every room . . . not that I have that many . . . it's a small house . . . but, I thoroughly and efficiently cleared my entire living space. And I breathed a sigh of relief. That part of my life is over. Time to move on.
Saturday evening, I drove into Durango again. They were having another one of those peace dances. When they hold it in Mancos, there are always a ton of people, and I expected even more in Durango. But, there were hardly any people there, which shocked me. Jennifer from square dancing was there. I think there were eight or nine or ten of us including the musicians, who sometimes danced.
I'm quoting from their email here, because it describes them best: "The dances of universal peace are simple, meditative, joyous, multi-cultural circle dances that use sacred phrases, chants, music and movements from the many spiritual traditions of the earth to touch the spiritual essence within ourselves and recognize it in others." Each dance is taught to us one step at a time and we are also taught the words . . . some in English, some in other languages.
Our first dance was Native American and the words had to do with the earth and the oneness of us all. The second dance was Hebrew and also had to do with oneness. The third dance had Christian origins, and we sang kyrie eleison. Then, another one that had to do with peace that we sang in Aramaic - - which is supposedly the language that Jesus spoke. We did several more that I can't remember and the last one had Mohammed in it, so it must have had Muslim origins. All in all, it was great!
Sunday:
Today, I drove over to Burt and Dell's house to go snowshoeing with the senior outdoors club. I know Burt from Cadence Therapeutic Riding . . . he's the vice president, and often comes to help with the horses and clients.
I had brought my heavy down coat, a scarf, warm mittens, and of course my snowshoes! When I got there, I walked outside and it was kind of warm . . . probably mid-thirties. All I had underneath my coat was a turtleneck and an old sweater, but it was going to have to do because I felt I would be much too warm with the heavy down coat . . . and all the exercise. I did bring my warm hat, and a pair of those cheap, knit gloves. I thought that would be enough.
There were about twelve of us, and we started out in the shade . . . so, I was kind of cold. The higher we got, though, the warmer the sun, plus it was good, vigorous exercise. It was supposed to be a beginner's snowshoe . . . about a two hundred foot elevation gain only . . . but, we kept going up and up and up. And the wind was blowing . . . I was a little chilly. I wondered how long we'd be out, and if I'd made a mistake leaving my warm coat behind. But, the sweater I wore was one that my mother had made me . . . it was probably about forty or fifty years old! Still warm, but starting to show signs of age . . . but, just starting at forty or fifty years old was pretty good! Whenever I started feeling cold, I remembered how much love my mother had put into it when she was knitting it for me . . . and I allowed myself to be warmed by her love. It was very effective, and kept me warm all day.
The day was absolutely gorgeous. It was a beautiful, Colorado winter day with high altitude incredibly blue sky and snow topped mountain peaks all around us. Awesome views in every direction.
We eventually came to a place and Dell, who was the leader, asked, "Should we turn around or keep going?" The general consensus was to keep going . . . so, I kept going! Up and up and farther up the trail . . . all of us slogging along on our snowshoes. I did fall down once, briefly, when I was talking to the person behind me and not paying attention to where I was stepping. There were holes in the trail from someone walking with just shoes . . . or something . . . not really sure why there were holes in the trail. Anyway, I tripped on one of them.
We finally reached the summit, and someone decided that instead of going back the way we came, which was a long, but gradual incline, that we should "bushwhack" our way down on the very steep hill. Bushwhacking is making a trail where there was no previous trail before. Every step of the way previous to this, we had been following a trail made by someone else.
The trail was steep and Dell said to go straight down instead of trying to side-step sideways. She said the snowshoes have a better chance of sticking that way. It was scary, but doable, and much quicker than the way we had come. Somehow, I kept passing people, and I ended up being one of the first ones back.
Inside Dell and Burt's warm house, we had hot chocolate and cookies. I haven't had sugar in awhile, and didn't intend on having any, but I was cold, and it seemed like a good idea at the time! Both the hot chocolate and the cookies tasted great! We all sat in the living room and talked for awhile. I was going to leave right after the snowshoe, but this was very nice, and I was glad that I decided to stay. Before I left, Roger, a single guy who was there, asked if I liked dancing. I told him about square dancing, but he meant the other kind. I told him I was taking lessons, but didn't know how yet. Then, I just kind of left.
As luck would have it, or whatever, I ended up leaving my snowshoes in the driveway. I didn't realize it till I was ten minutes down the road. I turned around, drove back, and picked them up. When I got home, there was a message for me from Roger, saying that I had left the snowshoes and would I please call him. So, I called him and he said he'd make me a deal: he'd go square dancing if I would go dancing with him. I said, yes, but I couldn't this week because I was going out of town. I'm not sure if he thought I was blowing him off or what, but he said something like . . . call me when you're ready.
Side note here: meeting this guy and having him immediately ask me to go dancing is a sign from the universe that I am on the right path with my ballroom dance lessons.
So, Roger is kind of attractive, has a nice voice, and the little I know about him seems nice. Although, I tried cyber-stalking him, and it's possible that he's seventy-two years old! I think that's just too old for me! I'll be sixty very soon.
Now that I have met a person "the old fashioned way," and am probably going to go on a date with him, I am faced with the interesting and peculiar differences of meeting someone online versus meeting them the old fashioned way.
I have "met" several men online in the past few years. I have only met three of them in person . . . one of them being Phil. The other two, I probably never would have met them in person, except for circumstances . . . they lived aways away and were passing through town or something. After emailing someone numerous times, I usually find that I really don't want to meet them. Sometimes, I need to talk on the phone to confirm that. Phil is really the only one who got through the email and phone stages. And by the time he did, I was pretty sure that I was going to REALLY like him when I met him . . . which I did.
With Roger, here I am about to go on a date with him (well, soon, anyway), and I know nothing about him including his age. I know some little things . . . he's known Dell quite a long time, he traps skunks instead of killing them, he used to have a friend with a boa constrictor, he has a hip replacement . . . but, really not much to go on. I have no idea if I'll like him or not.
I'm not sure which one is better . . . getting to know somebody fairly well before you actually meet them, or getting to know them slowly. Perhaps the swiftness that I got to know Phil was part of the reason I didn't see or acknowledge the red flags. It happened so fast that I was already "attached" when said red flags surfaced. I don't know. But, we'll see how this goes with Roger. I'll give him a call when I return this weekend. I'll keep you posted!
I do have to say this, though . . . whether this goes anywhere or not . . . whether I'm ultimately interested in him or not . . . having someone show some interest is a good balm for my wounds . . . which I think are healing rapidly. In fact, in the last couple days, I've been thinking about things that I did RIGHT during the time with Phil. Things that I could have made bad choices about, but I did the right thing. So, I think that's a step in the right direction, also. I'm getting there. Hopefully soon.
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