Good bye Phil, hello life.

After I received the emails from Phil about the bad hair day and all . . . I decided to write back and address all the little things he had mentioned . . . as well as write about the bad hair day. Again, I was going to wait to mail it until Friday . . . the one month mark . . . or until he wrote again, which I was fairly certain he would. But, the emails were gnawing at me, and I heard a whispering in my ear, "Send them, send them." I ignored the whisperings at first, but finally decided that it was the right thing to do.

I did have a lot of second thoughts about sending these emails at all. This quote got me to thinking:

"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours."

~ ~ Wayne Dyer

At one point I thought to myself: karma be damned! I'm going to send them!

But, I couldn't do that, so I decided to give it the "heart test." You put your hand on your heart and close you eyes, and then you think of the thing . . . whatever it is . . . in this case it was sending the emails . . . and then you think of the opposite thing . . . like not sending the emails. And you see which one feels better. Usually, it's pretty obvious. In this case, sending them felt good. And I didn't think my heart would tell me to do something that was based purely on vengeance. Phil is an introspective guy. I thought he would benefit from my thinking that he was deceptive. He considers himself a really honorable guy. He needs to know the truth. Maybe this was even part of the whole deal with him . . . he needed someone to tell him this stuff, and I was to be the one. Who knows?

Shortly after we met, he was sitting at my kitchen table, and I told him that I'm the person that tells people things that no one else will tell them. It's true. Sometimes it can be cruel, sometimes kind, sometimes both. People often don't want to hear it. Because sometimes, once you hear it, then you have to do something about it . . . and many people don't want to change. Where they're at may be bad, but they're used to it, and the unknown is scary. So, my being that person . . . is sometimes a gift and sometimes a curse.

Anyway, the whisperings told me to send the emails and not wait till Friday, so I did.

I didn't know what to expect. I didn't know if he would ignore it, or send me back and say all kinds of bad things about me . . . although, I don't what that could have been! Or give me excuses or defend his misrepresenting himself. The first email that I sent was kind of an introductory thing kind of saying what was coming. But, in it, I said something about getting the emails and him out of my life.

Several hours later, I did get a response. It was a relief on many levels. All it said was that he had received the emails and good bye. Finally! I don't have to think about getting any more emails from him! I didn't realize how much that was weighing on me! Whew! Finished! I still have some healing to do, but this helped me tremendously! Thank you! Well, Phil, I'm not ready to say you're a good guy yet, but you're nicer than I thought!

With that behind me, last night I went for my first ballroom dancing lesson. That is, my first ballroom dancing lesson in about forty-five years! Although, I did do a few "round dancing" lessons with my square dance group a couple years ago. But, anything I learned there is waaay gone now.

The main instructor had some back problems, so she had three other instructors (two women and one man) helping her out tonight. There wouldn't have been too many people there if not for the instructors. But, whatever. I did have to dance with a woman several times, but I got to dance with the man instructor, too, several times. And he was an attractive older gentleman, too! It's so hard to tell how old men are, though! Is he too old? I don't know.

Anyway, I had a great time, learned a few steps, got some nice words of encouragement, and thoroughly enjoyed myself. I could go to another beginner's class on Tuesday evening, but I have something even more special planned!

I decided to start taking dance lessons because I feel like I need to get out more into the world. I think it will be good for me, and as long as I keep enjoying it, I'll keep going. They also have "dance parties," I think every Friday night. I won't go until I know a little more, but they are a definite possibility. Why not! Plus it will give me more opportunities to go even more places. I know I have square dancing on Friday nights, but that's in Durango . . . and if the roads are icy, I refuse to drive there. But, driving to Cortez is completely different . . . it's all flat. There are no mountains between me and Cortez, so I can drive there when I can't drive to Durango. So, that is awesome, too! Life is good!